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Текст для читання на тему: A Mysterious Visit (after Mark Twain)
| 27.11.2010, 14:02 | |
| A Mysterious Visit (after Mark Twain) The first visitor that came to see me when I settled down recently was a gentleman who said he was an assessor, and connected with the U. S. Internal Revenue Department. I said I had never heard of his branch of business before, but I was very glad to see him. Would he sit down? He sat down. I did not know anything particular to say, and I asked him if he was opening his shop in our neighbourhood. He said he was. (I did not wish to appear ignorant, but I hoped he would say what he was going to sell.) I dared to ask him "How was trade?" And he said "So-so" I then said we would visit him, and if we liked his shop as well as any other, we would become his customers. He said he thought we would like his establishment and added he never saw anybody who would leave and search for another man in his line after trad¬ing with him once. I do not know how it happened, but gradually we began talking and then ev¬erything went along as comfortably as clock-work. Тексти для читання та аудіювання We talked, and talked, and talk¬ed — at least I did; and we laughed, and laughed, and laughed — at least he did. But all the time I had my presence of mind about me. I decided to find out all about his business — and thought I would have it out of him without his suspecting what I wanted. I would tell him all about my own business, and he would naturally forget himself, and tell me all about his affairs. I thought to my¬self, my son, you little know what an old fox you are dealing with. I said: "Now you never would guess what I made lecturing this winter and last spring?" "No — I could not. Let me see — let me see. About two thousand dollars, maybe? But no; no, sir, I know you couldn't have made that much. Say sev¬enteen hundred, maybe?" "Ha! ha! I knew you couldn't! My lecturing money for last spring and this winter were fourteen thousand seven hundred and fifty dollars. What do you think of that?" "Why, it is amazing — perfectly amazing. I will make a note of it. And you say even this wasn't all?" "All! Why, bless you there was my income from the newspaper for four months — about — about — well, what should you say to about eight thousand dollars, for example?" "Say! Eight thousand! I'll make a note of it. Why, man! — am I to understand that you had still more income?" "Ha! ha! ha! Why, you're only in the suburbs of it, so to speak. There's my book, The Innocents Abroad — price from $ 3.50 to $ S. Listen to me. Look me in the eye 7. During the last four months and a half, saying nothing of sales before that, but just simply dur¬ing the four months and a half, we've sold ninety-five thousand copies of that book. Ninety-five thousand! Think of it. Average four dollars a copy, say. It's nearly four hundred thousand dollars, my son. I get half" "My God! I'll put it down. Four¬teen — seven — fifty — eight — two thousand. Total, say — well, believe me, grand total is about two hundred and thirteen or fourteen thousand dollars! Is that possible?" "Possible! If there's any mistake it's the other way. Two hundred and four¬teen thousand, cash, is my income for this year if I know arithmetic". Then the gentleman got up to go. At the last moment he handed me a large envelope, and said it contained his ad¬vertisement; and that I would find out all about his business in it; and that he would be happy to have the custom of a man of such enormous income; and that he used to think there were several wealthy men in the city, but when they came to trade with him he discovered that they hardly had enough to live on; and that, in truth, it had been such a long time since he had seen a rich man face to face, and talked to him, and touched him with his hands, that he could hardly hold himself back from embracing me — in fact, would consider it a great favour if I would let him em¬brace me. This so pleased me that I did not try to resist, but allowed this simple-hearted stranger to embrace me and drop a few tears down the back of my neck. Then he went his way. As soon as he was gone I opened his advertisement. I studied it attentively for four minutes. I then called up the cook, and said: "Hold me while I faint! Let Ma¬rie turn the cakes". The gentleman's Texts for Reading and Listening "advertisement" was nothing else than a list of questions about my private af¬fairs. Question N1 was: What were your profits» during the past year, from any trade of business wherever carried on? It was plain that the stranger had enabled me to make a goose of myself. By working on my vanity, the stranger had made me declare an income of two hundred and fourteen thousand dollars. By law, one thousand dollars of this was free from income tax — the only relief I could see, and it was only a drop in the ocean. At the legal five per cent, I must pay to the government the sum of ten thousand six hundred and fifty dollars income tax! (I may remark, in this place, that I did not do it.) I know a very wealthy man, whose house is a palace, whose table is regal, whose expenses are enormous, yet a man who has no income, as I have found out; and to him I went for advice in my distress. He took my receipts, he put on his glasses, he took his pen, and in a mo¬ment I was a pauper! — He did it simply by manipulating the bill of "Deductions'' And then he finished he handed me the paper, and I saw at a glance that during the year my income, in the way of prof¬its, had been one thousand two hundred and fifty dollars and forty cents. "Now", said he "the thousand dollars is free from income tax. What you want to do is to go and swear this document in and pay tax on the two hundred and fifty dollars". "Do you", said I, "do always work up the "deductions" in this way in your own case, sir?" "Well, I should say so! If it weren't for those eleven saving clauses under the head of "Deductions" should be beggared every year to support this hateful, and wicked, and tyrannical government". This gentleman is among the very best of the solid men of the city — the men of moral weight, of commercial honesty, of social spotlessness — and so I followed his advice. I went to the revenue office, and under the accusing eyes of my old visitor I stood up and swore to lie after lie till my self-respect was gone for ever and ever. But what of it? It is nothing more than thousands of richest and proud¬est, and most respected, and honoured men in America do every year. And so I don't care. I am not ashamed. I shall simply, for the present, pay attention not to talk much. | |
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